I have a dream

Funny, you'd think after I'd written my title, 'I have a dream' that I would be seeing visions of Martin Luther King, especially as he and I share the same birthday. But no, instead I have a ridiculously brain-adhesive Abba song stuck in my head. (Actually, I'm pretty sure that 'brain-adhesive' isn't a real word, but I kinda like it and think that I will nurture it and see if it grows on anyone else)

By the way, if you're here to read about my blood results, don't bother reading this post any further, there's no news till Thursday, or probably Friday as I don't get round to it straight away.

Anyway, I had a dream. And I woke up and tried to retell it all to Matt so that he could help me recall it later as my dreams have the opposite effect of Abba songs - they are KY coated - but when I asked him this evening, he gave me an extremely concise version consisting of about five words. Honestly this was one of the best and wackiest dreams I've had in a long time (excluding the one about the rabbit in the plastic bag, kicking my friend to death and the neanderthals in a cage - yes it was just one dream and no I'm not seeing a shrink yet) and it was looooong and convoluting and deserving of an essay, not five words. Anyway, here are the five words: beetle, tyrannosaurus biting, Vicky and friends and here's what I've pieced together. Amazing as it seems I'm pretty sure that this is missing some very large and important gaps, damn that Matt for forgetting, he's just jealous because he never remembers his dreams.

I was in the Grandstand of a sports pitch which was on top of a car park, it was a bit Chinese Olympics-ish. There was a game on, but I'm not sure what and it started snowing. Next to the stadium there was a very large building with white shiny walls. The walls slid open sideways and revealed lots of people in white outfits (like bakers) on different levels overlooking the pitch. They started to throw out white disc shape objects which turned into naan bread and poppadoms as they reached the field. To escape the onslaught of bread throwing I went down some stairs with Vicky and we got into Matt's beetle (it's an old white one) and carried on down into the car park where we had to negotiate round a large and aggressive tyrannosaurus who was trying to bite me through the window. Vicky didn't notice but carried on chatting and I tried to fend it off, steer round a difficult bend and listen to her talk at the same time. Eventually I drove into an area where the TRex couldn't reach me and I got out. There was a bike chained against the wall and it had a small hole in the frame. As I looked at the hole a small kingfisher zipped past me and squeezed into it. I could see it tucked away inside the hole, it's irridescent blue-green feathers lying flat inside. I had just decided that I would go and catch some small fish for the kingfisher and had relocated to an idyllic pond (not very clear how I achieved this) when there was some loud and ferocious barking and I was woken by the neighbours bloody barking dogs. Typical! Had the bastards barked earlier they could have saved me from the cold sweat, induced by a hungry Tyrannosaurus Rex, but no, they wake me when I get to the peaceful, stress-less, non-bread-battered part.

Hmm, so ... interpretations? I looked up:

Kingfisher - "This beautiful blue bird takes his meaning from his lovely color and is a symbol of great good luck" Ok, good so far

Dinosaur - "To see a dinosaur in your dream, symbolizes an outdated attitude. You may need to discard your old ways of thinking and habits. To dream that you are being chased by a dinosaur, indicates your fears of no longer being needed or useful." Hmm, not so good, but spookily, slightly accurate!

Bread (sadly I couldn't specify which types of bread)- "To see a lot of impure bread, want and misery will burden the dreamer. If the bread is good and you have access to it, it is a favorable dream. " I assume that my bread was good, because it must have been fresh from the bakers, but I am a tad suspicious, because then why were the bakers throwing it out?

My interpretation is that I need to spend more time on my friends. Vicky is my oldest friend, at least she was, I haven't been in contact with her for about five years now, the bike represents at least two friends too, that I've been feeling guilty for not phoning for a while and Matt's old beetle, stored away in a garage in England is an old friend that I have a lot of fond memories of being in.

I have a lot of friends in the UK who aren't aware of my diagnosis. It's much easier not to mention it. After all, when they ask how I am I can answer, "fine, just a bit tired" with a clear conscience. But I'm beginning to wonder if that's not really fair on them. I mean, I started this blog so I could get things clear in my head, but it should also be useful for friends and family to find out about me without having to ask me and it could be useful for those I've left in the dark so far. I'm also planning to link some kind of medical dictionary to this blog.

After trolling round some CML blogs it's become apparant that I'm not the only one having freaky dreams. Maybe they're another symptom and I should include a link to a dream analysis site.

There's a blog which was written by a man suffering my form of CML only it's not looking very hopeful and he doesn't appear to have added anything after Dec 2006 which I'm trying not to dwell on and I'm going for the 'no-news-is-good-news' option (or maybe I'm just burying my head in the sand)

Anyway, he has some very wacky dreams which make me think he is an interesting guy (see - using the IS word - obviously my glass is half full). He must be on meds and napping in little bursts and he describes his dreams as 'chicklet dreams', little snippets of stories that pop out of his subconscious throughout his sleep time. What an excellent expression.

http://ufocommander.livejournal.com/